


Prototype #1147

by interrobangme



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-12 22:47:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3358127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/interrobangme/pseuds/interrobangme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sweet Christ, Merlin! I think you've been alone down here too long!"</p>
<p>In which Eggsy finds Merlin at an awkward moment testing a prototype.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prototype #1147

**Author's Note:**

> Just something that popped into my head thinking about Merlin's various duties as a Kingsman. Enjoy :)

"Merlin! Merl! I've got it, I've got the data!" Eggsy shouted as he entered HQ. 

He ran past row after row of computer monitors, ignoring the sting of cuts and bruises peppering his left side. He'd been dragged for a block and a half, clinging to the bumper of a cab until he could climb onto the roof and retrieve the objective from the armed men in the taxi. It didn't come easily, and later he'd be in a world of pain. But for now he rode the adrenaline high as he ran deeper into the subbasements to hand over the flash drive to Merlin.

He reached Merlin's workshop and skidded to a stop in front of it, a puff of dust rising from his battered Oxfords. He yanked open the heavy steel door, eager to exchange snarky remarks with his friend and colleague. 

"Merl, you're going to shit when you hear how I-"

As the door swung open, Merlin let out a squeak, a string of words that may have been "Don'tcomein!" but didn't reach Eggsy's ears over his own cry of surprise. 

"Sweet Christ, Merlin! I think you've been alone down here too long!" 

Merlin was hunched over with his arms wrapped around his torso, but they did little to cover the sequined pink bra he was wearing. Eggsy scanned his eyes up and down the older man and took in his feet, clad in five-inch red stilettos with elegant silk bows tied at the back. 

At least he was wearing his own pants, some simple black briefs.

Merlin sighed. He dropped his arms to his sides as he straightened up, pushing his shoulders back to assume as much dignity as his posture would allow in the heels. 

"I'm testing some prototypes I designed for Lancelot," he said, slowly approaching Eggsy and doing his best not to exaggerate his walk in the high heels. 

"And before you make some smarmy remark about cross-dressing, or my feminine side, or how long it's been since I've shagged," he reached Eggsy and stared down at the young agent, "you should know that I'm not embarrassed-" he clacked one foot down and the left heel sizzled and hissed, emitting blue sparks, "I'm comfortable in my own skin-" he continued, illustrating his point with another clack as the right heel's silky bow steeled and hardened into razor blades, "and they're loaded with weapons." 

With a flourish, Merlin reached up and twisted a sequin on one of the bra cups and the entire garment grew rows of iron spikes. He tilted his chin defiantly, daring Eggsy to speak.

"Well, sir," Eggsy stammered, trying to stop staring at the little curls of Merlin's chest hair bizarrely nestled between the lethal cups of the brassiere, "I have the data you requested." He held out the drive with one hand, standing at attention. 

Merlin looked at it suspiciously, but snatched the flash drive all the same. "Thank you, Eggsy." 

"Sir." Eggsy saluted and turned to leave, marching off in perfect military form. Merlin began to turn away when Eggsy looked back, halfway down the hall. 

"One more thing, Merl," he said, a glint in his eyes, "when you're through with her underthings, would you mind making a gun I can fire with my prick?" 

He bolted almost before the sentence left his mouth. Merlin attempted to launch after him, but aborted the move when he slipped and rolled an ankle. 

_Cheeky little shit_ , he thought as Eggsy's back vanished down the hall, laughter filling the corridor. _Wait until the next time he needs electrified underwear. They'll have some serious glitches to work out._


End file.
